Employees at a local insurance office were granted permission to arrive to work baked out of their goddamn gourds and reeking of that good shit in lieu of a raise in pay, sources ignoring the profit reports confirmed.

“We raked in stellar profits six quarters in a row. But, you know, with the economy the way it is we don’t think pay raises are in the company’s best ineterest, we have to make sure things stay liquid,” said Operations Manager Jamie Sopa. “And we’ve made several concessions for the sake of our employees. They’re allowed to park in the management spots, they can wear sneakers to the office, and if they want to get blazed while listening to Sleep in the parking lot before their shift, then we’ll happily ignore that they smell like a Phish concert and keep telling stories that go nowhere.” READ MORE